Now, I should start by saying that I have (or better yet, remember) at least one dream every night. Dreams are a huge part of my life and will usually govern my mood for the following hours. Even more, nightmares have always been a staple in my nightlife. I remember a streak of nightmares I had when I was in elementary school. It was so emotionally taxing that my mom had to hire one of my older sister's friends to escort me wherever I went because I was so terrified of being abducted. The nightmares occurred daily for what seemed like forever. In a matter of weeks, I witnessed my sister being cannibalised by the bad guy in Ghost, was kidnapped, attacked by rabid animals, and chased by my personal favorite: Michael Myers.
Michael Myers makes an appearance about once a week, to this day. He's joined me in Great America, Home Depot, unidentified houses and empty parking lots. We've been intimate a few times. I've taken his mask off once. But he has yet to kill me. Aside from the fact that I'm a total horror movie junkie, I've accumulated a sort of affection for Michael Myers and the dreams have become more of a comfort than nightmarish. I look forward to my dates with him.
Which brings me to last night. I've slept next to my "person" four times in the last couple months. I've had nightmares every one of these nights. For someone who remembers the majority of her dreams, this is notable to me, as I don't remember many other nightmares that have occurred in the past few months besides those nights that he was laying next to me. This guy has played a role in each of these nightmares, usually being the main attraction in my mind but never in the action. In other words, I am always largely aware of his presence, even if I can't see him. What's odd, though, is that we have the ideal relationship in many ways. It's so relaxed, almost to the point that it's uneasy. It's so effortless in areas that I usually have to manipulate or tolerate. I feel untypically content with the label-less state of it all. But this morning, when I woke up from a hellish (and way interpretable) nightmare, I felt defeated.
I guess that's all I can say about it, considering the little I know about dreams and whether my subconscious is working with me or against me. I don't know how much credit I give dreams. But I've taken note of these. And just like last night's dream will leave its residue on your day, I feel like these nightmares might be having an effect on my handling of this "ideal relationship." Or at least bringing to light the dark underbelly of my emotions.
----------------
Now playing: The Silver Jews - I'm Gonna Love The Hell Out Of You
via FoxyTunes
Which brings me to last night. I've slept next to my "person" four times in the last couple months. I've had nightmares every one of these nights. For someone who remembers the majority of her dreams, this is notable to me, as I don't remember many other nightmares that have occurred in the past few months besides those nights that he was laying next to me. This guy has played a role in each of these nightmares, usually being the main attraction in my mind but never in the action. In other words, I am always largely aware of his presence, even if I can't see him. What's odd, though, is that we have the ideal relationship in many ways. It's so relaxed, almost to the point that it's uneasy. It's so effortless in areas that I usually have to manipulate or tolerate. I feel untypically content with the label-less state of it all. But this morning, when I woke up from a hellish (and way interpretable) nightmare, I felt defeated.
I guess that's all I can say about it, considering the little I know about dreams and whether my subconscious is working with me or against me. I don't know how much credit I give dreams. But I've taken note of these. And just like last night's dream will leave its residue on your day, I feel like these nightmares might be having an effect on my handling of this "ideal relationship." Or at least bringing to light the dark underbelly of my emotions.
----------------
Now playing: The Silver Jews - I'm Gonna Love The Hell Out Of You
via FoxyTunes
Dont stop. Your words give me literary orgasms.
ReplyDelete